Imprisonment.

If it is true 

that one only loses 

what it clings to...

Then I need to learn to be 

less attached 

to what is of 

most value

to me.

Fear of loss has me in chains.

Fear is a prison.

I CANNOT BE SET FREE HERE.

Let it go or you will never leave.

[This is harder than it may appear, I am afraid..Oh, wait.]

Oh, It's Nothing.

I have been thinking too much, and not writing enough.

Is it only but so strange that I would rather be alone than with someone that makes me feel as if I am?

Fear may hold me back from forming much of anything with anyone, 

but in a sense I would rather be 

okay with the fear I possess than 

living unhappily.

There was a time where I would have considered myself 

lost. 

You do not understand. 

I am not asking you to.

And in essence is one ever truly lost if they aren't looking to be found? 

Though more frequently I have been picking up the pieces 

attempting at best to reformat my being.

I will feel whole once more. 

I have been attending therapy. 

I have been coming out of my shell slightly more. 

I have been opening up to myself more. 

I have been 

accepting 

more.

Which is the first step to self recovery, more or less self discovery. 

I was never lost. I was in hiding.

From who I was, who I didn't want to know.

I have been scratching and crawling at the lining of of these walls I have built. 

It's nice to finally breathe again. 

Less analyzation. 

You can't use Novocain on feeling 

which I believe

has been based off of nothing and this is all nothingness. 

It's okay, you are fucking human. 

Shadows are merely shadows; 

Mirrors simply reflect. 

Don't drown in the confusion, 

suffocation will only bring you back to 

where you started. 

When you feel 

dead 

to yourself, 

you will feel 

dead 

to the 

world.

Relative To Existence.

As unfortunate as it is,

Pain makes people change.

And that's about 

it.

Awaken Your Fucking Senses

We need to

SLOW DOWN,

and quit worrying about our  personal lives for a god damn second. 

We need to awaken our senses to what is happening right in front of us.

 DO NOT TAKE THIS LIGHTLY.

It is sickening how barbaric we have become. 

Our generation is crumbling. And we are allowing it to happen.

It's due to the fact we are so vastly influenced by the media, there is no innocence in this. 

We are not blind to this, we are vividly aware of all of the damage being done. 

Your act isn't fooling anyone.

Turn on the radio, listen. 

Turn on your expensive high definition television, tell me this isn't complete filth they are glamorizing. 

Such asinine behavior, material garbage 

that masses of kids world wide soak up like a sponge every second we let it go. 

Yes, we. We are all to blame until we choose to act on change.

And sadly, that isn't all that is bringing our world to shambles. 

It is the food industry, it is the lack of education given to our students.

It is the news broadcasts, it is the political insanity… 

Any and everything that we can get our hands on is being defiled with countless lies.

And because mankind is at fault for the way things are, 

it is also mankind's obligation to turn things around.

We are in dire need of forming a more efficient and beneficial world to live in. 

GET WITH IT AMERICA. 

And wake the fuck up, society.

It's funny when you are incapable of mobility 

How you get the sudden urge to run the 10k.

It's 5:43am, I am sleepless, 

I wish I were anywhere but in this hospital bed. 

There are several wires hooked up to me

 that I have no idea what for. (and are a nuisance might I add!)

Also, I resemble a prototype for a robot. 

Not so sure if I can take 3-4 days of this nonsense.

The machine might read that I have a weak heart, but my will to get better has never been so strong. 

As soon as I am discharged from this place, 

you better bet I am going to take advantage of 

every moment I am alive,

Luck struck me this time, or perhaps good karma.

Regardless, from now on...

Every single

fucking breath

counts.

Word Of The Day...

Entelechy: 

A realization or actuality as opposed to a potentiality.

Just because something has a potential "good" 

does 

not 

mean that anything

good 

will come from 

it.